The Psychological band aid in everyday life

Have you found yourself in a position where you want to reach out to a someone in stress but do not know the way. Have you ever came across a person grossly engulfed in melancholic Depression talking how “life isn’t worth living” and all she/he could see is dark, black and bleak future. You juggle your mind looking for ways to communicate, run down your hierarchy, draw heuristics and mistakenly assume that you aren't the right fit for the job. We, the Human species have a shared responsibility to help those in need.

Talking about humans, we indulge in penning down our emotions and phrasing our emotions, meeting our brain’s demand to keep emotions and thoughts in synchrony. While we do so, we are bound to think emotionally which at times muddles the reality and make us do things irrationally. As we grow, our acts keep piling up, bruise our relationships until one day we cannot carry ourselves forward. We pause and agree we are broken but don’t want to get fixed, all we want is to be heard and understood. What would you do if you find someone in that situation? Its complex and unchartered territory for masses at large but not difficult for someone with an intent to help. Psychiatrists do exist for the same reason but its not always possible for a person in stress to identify that he/she needs one. Just four basic questions blended with empathy and sustained eye contact because you need to gather trust.

1. What’s on your mind? Its like opening a can of worms but the stressed mind gets to open up. All the repressed emotions, irrational fears and dreaded consequences lights up the surface, like a submarine coming out of a sea to embrace light. It can be emotionally drenching and mentally draining to put your feet in someone’s shoe, but all you need to do is LISTEN, LISTEN AND LISTEN SOME MORE. Asking this simple yet powerful question is the first in a series of many where an attempt is made to listen & understand. The other person gets to vent out like a cooker under pressure from steam.
2. What is most important for you? As our mind cannot think on all problems simultaneously, ask What is important for you?. Guiding someone to segregate his/her problem in order of importance and urgency is crucial. Its like identifying shells scattered all over the surface, holding onto them one by one. It might look like a weakness, an assault, an insult, a betrayal, or an irreparable loss scattered in the soup of an individual’s wishes, fantasies and childhood memories. Your question has made it easy for the mind to focus on selective few. You can nod your head to the part you understand, or say “it’s okay” where things are realistic or just hold hands for the difficult part.
3. What do you want? You have a list of important few that needs to be dealt with, which most often is a relationship, failures and losses. Asking your fellow “What do you want?” shifts the entire conversation from a static monochrome of mundane negativism to an optimistic search denying a bleak future, and that is where the solution focused part starts. Smoothly sailing through the rough tide, you have engaged a person into active exploration. Be mindful of the raging disturbance which comes with emotionally charged solutions, swiftly glide away from the harmful wishes onto the important and meaningful needs matching with his/her personality. Like a magnet, identify the feasible and most realistic solutions which you have been bombarded with, all you need to do is reflect it back.
4. How can I help? If you have gathered enough trust and reached this far in helping process, you have done an excellent job. This is the ultimate and the most crucial seal to a fix, because we need to know that we are the problem and also the solution. You hear about a person shattered because of a failure, well its not the failure that makes you sad, its always our negative appraisal to it which is largely dependent on our genetics. If failures and losses could make people sad, I guess the world would be full of sad people because these setbacks are part of everyday life. We need to realize our side in the situation: Problems XI versus Solutions XI! Do we need to crib about what in front of us, or look for opportunities to turn the tide. As soon as you ask “How can i help?” , our fellow understands that its not you who can help, its not the situation which can help, its not anyone in this multiverse who can pull her/him out of the misery. At this point one understands, IT LIES WITHIN and starts taking responsibility for his/her own problems.

All you have to do is ask a few questions, leading to isolation of problems, meaningful reflection of solutions and identification of the problem solver. Tough times are coming and mental health issues are growing manifold. Check your neighborhood, flat mates, old friends and most importantly strengthen yourself. You can be a BANDAID for someone in crisis.